5/15/2014

Barre Island (Joke Story)

Barre Island


Ride the ferry to Barre Island for a weekend you may not remember, but certainly won’t forget! Our low price of fifteen dollars gets you unlimited alcohol and a round trip ferry ticket* over to the legendary island for an entire weekend! The party starts friday night and goes right on through to sunday morning! Our state-of-the art facilities can support up to 300 people! 
 *Ticket price includes sleeping bag.

Friday night is formal night! Get on the ferry wearing your most expensive outfit! Enjoy our live jazz band as you cross the bay sipping the finest boxed wine! Tanya, our double-d secretary will greet guests when the ferry arrives! 

The bar is located right in the center of the island! There’s always live music and hot stripper bartenders! Enjoy an ice cold keystone or a shot of value liquor, free of charge! Tanya will be happy to assist guests with anything they need!* Public restrooms offer showers for those who feel the need to clean up, while the rest of us bathe in pure glory!
 *Includes paper bags, contraceptives, private dances, Viagra, etc.

Venture out of the bar down to our gorgeous beach* to check out the view, but don’t forget to bring an extra drink! Our cleaning crews work very hard to maintain Barre Island, but the beach is notorious for broken glass! Take some home with you! Great gift for the kids!
 *Shoes must be worn at all times. 

Saturday is our weekly beach party! Put on a hawaiian shirt and drink some rum punch to start the day! Tanya will be handing out leis all day long while our strippers cook weiners on the grill! If you’re lucky you might get "lei’d"!

Barre Island has its own hospital, just in case! The hospital is the biggest building on the island, and you are never more than a mile away! Get there early if you want to beat the line!* We have an elite team of highly trained immigrant doctors! Our hospital is the most affordable in America!
 *Average wait time 2 hours.

We are proud to say that to this day we have not had a problem with illegal drugs on our island! If it helps you have a good time, we fully encourage it! You might do some regrettable things, but spending a weekend on Barre Island is the best decision you’ll ever make!

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