2/12/2013

The Public Nuisance Party

This happened about a month ago. It was the first weekend of the semester, I had a friend in town visiting. I put an event up on Facebook for "Rep Your Hometown" and made the event private but invited somewhere around 200 people. It was set to start at 11 and everybody was supposed to wear something representing their hometown. Sounds great, right? I dressed up super ridiculously, as did all of my roommates. I wore some Mardi Gras beads and different brightly colored clothing articles from head to toe. If some police were to see me, they would probably think I was the one who invited everybody.

It was great. While it lasted. Somehow the entire freshman class heard about the party and decided to show up at 9:30. At the time, this was not a problem to me. They were bringing money and were willing to give it to me in exchange for entry to my house. It became a problem when 10:30 came around and my house was already packed out with stupid freshman idiots who didn't even dress the part. Hindsight is 20/20. Most of my friends were showing up at around 11-11:30. The cops came at 11:40.

There were somewhere around 200 kids inside of the house, and probably about 7 of us dudes trying to keep the place under control. Needless to say we lost control of the place and pissed off my neighbors. Somebody figured out how to open the side door of my house which leads out to the street. I didn't notice this until around 11:15, and there were easily 40 kids out in the street pissing, yelling, drinking, and partying. I stayed out there for another 10 minutes clearing them out then walked back in the house when I deemed everything OK. People inside were talking about cops circling, so I went back out to the street to make sure no more stupid idiots were out there.

As I was standing out in the street, 5 cop cars pulled up one after another from my left. They drove less than 2 yards apart and with deliverance straight onto my front lawn. I sprinted into the house, cop lights behind me, dumping my beer into the bushes on the way. I got inside, screamed cops and everyone began sprinting off in random directions. 30 seconds later, there's a stern knock at the door. My roommates where no where to be found, so I approached and opened the door.

"What's your name? Give me your ID. Get your roommates out here within the next 5 minutes or we're taking you downtown in cuffs."

All being barked at me by 5 of them shining flashlights in my eyes. Also, as I was frantically doing all the stuff I just told you about, the button ripped off my shorts so they kept trying to fall down as I naturally reached in my pockets to hold them up.

"Get your hands out of your pockets or I'll put them behind your back."

"But Sir, my shorts are falling down."

"That should be the least of your worries right now. Where are your roommates?"

They stepped outside, and of course 2 of my roommates didn't have their wallets and could not find them. While we were being interrogated and having our information taken down, two crazy things happened.

First, a kid opens the door and walks outside and tries to leave while the cops shine lights in his face. He was sober, Israeli, and he tripped on the doormat. The cop antisemetically questioned this kid about when the last time he went to Temple was for about 20 minutes before finally letting him go. They literally kept telling him he was lying to their face but he clearly was not.

While this was going on, a kid stumbled out of the bushes and tried to get into the house. The cops stopped him and told him to leave, but he continued to try and come back inside while dropping names of people who don't even live here. He then sat down on the dirt and told the cops he was drunk. What a dumbass. They kept asking him if he was related to Forest Gump aka calling him retarded.

Cops are not extra chill. Especially when your neighbors are calling and complaining about the crowds of people on their lawns and the random kids pissing in the street in front of their house. We had some pissed off high ranking cops, including a detective, the sergeant and the lieutenant. They had southern accents and loved their position of power. The wrote us each $1092 Public Nuisance tickets and Minor In Possessions of Beer. They took 3 kegs and a tap from us and made us pour out a full keg in the street. They then said they would drop the MIPs if we cleaned the street. We cleaned the street, that's for sure.

While we were dumping the kegs out, the cops seemed to be warming up to us. The Lieutenant started talking to us about how all Jews are "like that" (referring to the innocent kid from earlier), obviously first making sure that none of us were Jewish. Then, they looked us all over from head to toe, and the Lieutenant turned to me.

"Well, I know which one of y'all invited everyone. Now I'm tryina figure out who the brains behind this whole thing is."

All of my roommates looked at me.

"Uhh, yeah."

The cop nodded his head and laughed. Those douches. First they write us these tickets, then they talk crap about Jews and try to act all buddy-buddy with us. There isn't even anything I can do about it. It's his word against mine, and my voice is gonna be silent. I don't have any proof to knock him on his ass with, just the memory shared by me and each of my roommates. A memory is about as good as a piece of crap when it comes to the judicial system trying to squeeze some money out of you.

Yesterday we had court. They were going to drop our MIPs like they said, and lower the fines to $400 each. But then we asked for a trial by jury. Not so sure if it was a good idea or what's going to happen to us next, but we definitely have a lot of time on our hands to figure it out. Our next court date isn't even set yet. We still can't throw any more parties for a while. RIP Barre Street.

Up next: College of Charleston Lacrosse

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